Hope deferred and restored

Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

At the beginning of 2015, this verse really resonated with me. There were days when my heart just felt sick. It was an odd feeling, to be honest. I had never wanted to move to Los Angeles. It was never a dream for me to be in the industry, to make it in Hollywood, to live a glamorous life. In reality, all I really wanted out of life was simple: to love my job, to travel the world for God, to have good friends who I could encourage in life, and to be married with kids. Yes, having a fun-filled life of adventure is awesome, but the deepest desire of my heart has always been to be married. I saw the awesome relationship my parents had and I wanted that for myself. Someone to encourage. Some one to love and be loved by. Some one to travel with and do missions with and have fun with.

 

Being heart sick was odd for multiple reasons. There was nothing I could complain about in life. I LOVE LOS ANGELES! I never wanted to move here, but once I got out here I fell head over heels for this crazy town. With the people. With the unusual contrast between lush ocean landscapes and barren dessert beauty. With the community and network of friends that adopted me I have a job that pays the bills with extreme flexibility to continue traveling for missions and coworkers that I love to hang out with outside of work. In a transient city where the average length of stay is less than 16 months because of high expenses and a grinding psychology to try to make it, I found myself thriving socially. Some of the most creative people I've ever met are rooted here. I was living in a great location with the most wonderful roommates ever (FELICIA AND SARAH!!!!) We would have girls nights, family dinners, and Bible studies out of our apartment on a weekly basis. And yet me heart was sick. I couldn't complain because life was too amazing. God has been so gracious to me over the past few years. But the one thing that I had always hoped for hadn't happened yet.

 

Some time in the winter of 2015, I really don't know when, God had to start talking to my heart about hope. Some where along the way I had lost hope that I would actually meet the right guy for me. I had put myself out there in the dating world of LA and it came up lacking. Hollywood glamorizes the dating scene out here. In pretty much any chick flick about dating, which is like every chick flick ever made, and especially in movies that actually take place in LA, they make dating look like this super fun activity full of interesting conversations over lattés, cocktails at exclusive clubs, and men buying you drinks whenever you go out. Let me tell you what; Hollywood lies. About itself. While that may be the case for slender models who like to stay out part my bedtime and frequent the Sunset strip, for us normal, hard working girls the dating scene is LA is just exhausting. Each time you have a first date or a dating event to go to, social etiquette dictates that you get all glammed up, heart open to possibilities, are on your best most cutest behavior, only to be disappointed by not even finding a flake of glitter let alone a spark with someone. Many of the men I met were interesting, but not at all what I was looking for.  Finally one night, after yet another first date that left me deflated, with my two closest girlfriend over to comfort me, I reached a breaking point. I literally laid face down on the carpet of my apartment and wept. God my hope has been deferred for too many years. My heart is sick. God I'm gonna need some Miracle Grow to revive this withered tree in my heart. Hope had died.

 

And yet the Lord is faithful. I have seen Him pull through over and over and over again. He has provided for me in every season of my life. So I decided to start focusing on the second half of the verse. A longing fulfilled is a tree of life. I asked God to revive my heart. He asked me to start dreaming again. Really? I need to do what? He literally asked me to dream with Him again. To dream about what I wanted in my marriage, what characteristics I wanted in a man, to really search my heart and see what my heart wanted. Anybody can pray for a man, but what kind of man would resonate with my heart? Who am I as a person and what do I have to offer to a man? What kind of man would want to be with the kind of woman that I am? This was all sounding familiar. A few years back when I moved home from the mission field, God taught me a lot about being specific in prayer. This was another area where I needed to be specific. But I needed to know what I wanted to begin with.

Here's what I came up with: loves Jesus above all, tall enough that I can wear heels and not feel self conscious, an adventurous and fun-loving MacGyver type with what I like to call the 3 M's: Music, Missions, and Ministry. These were the things that were most important to me in a relationship and things I felt I could give in return. Things that I felt would compliment me in what I felt my calling in life was. Plus it was more specific than just, "is a decent human being who pays his bills on time and isn't a psycho."

Now here's something I've been pondering for a long time. Why do we feel like in the church we can't ask God for specific things, or to ask for the dreams in our hearts? Do we feel it is selfish? Too much to ask? Will we irritate God with our petty petitions? Or are we so afraid that God doesn't want to give us the things that we desire we would rather not ask and risk it "not being His will for our life"? Where did we pick up this theology? This is the same God who heard Hannah's prayer and gave her a baby, heard Jabez's petition for more land and expanded his territory, heard Elijah's prayer that there would be no rain for years and then to start the rain again, heard Gideon's weird request for a sign of confirmation that God was on his side, and heard Moses' death-wish request to see His face. Were these requests selfish? Were they too big for God? Were they only answered because they were in God's will? This is the God of the impossible that says all things are possible and that He is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, willing to do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine.

I started thinking more about the Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of YOUR heart. The crazy emphasis is all mine. As we delight ourselves in the Lord, we start to see how good and faithful He is. However, this is a mutual relationship. In turn, He begins to give us the desires of our hearts. He cares about what is in our hearts and loves to fulfill those desires, mostly because He probably put them there in the first place. He wants more good for us than we could ever hope for or imagine could be possible.

Hebrews 11:1 is a very common and popular verse in the Christian faith. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." I started to focus on this verse a little differently, on the hope part instead of the faith part. By definition, Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: "expect with confidence" and "to cherish a desire with anticipation". So in essence you have to have hope before you can have faith. To take it a step further, I'm starting to believe that you have to dream first. A dream is a wish your heart makes, something that you long for or desire. Hope comes along and gives you the optimistic belief that those dreams can become a reality. Only then can faith gives us the confidence to keep pressing in until he tangibly have what we're hoping for.  I felt like God was asking me to dream about the man I wanted to be with to give me something concrete for hope to land on. To be specific with what was in my heart and have hope revived that God actually had someone like that out there for me. And to have faith that some where out there a man was dreaming about a woman like me and having hope that I also existed.

So what dream have you lost hope for? What dreams do you need revived so you can have hope again? It's time to start dreaming with God again.

 

The man that found my Cinderella Shoe

"Wow, your settings are really narrow and you only have 8 matches with your search criteria. You could totally triple your matches if you expand your search." "But I don't want more matches that aren't what I'm looking for, I'm only looking for one man." The woman across the table from me stared at me incredulous from behind a camera.  I was sitting in the headquarters for Christian Mingle, one of the more serious online dating websites.

Two years ago when I moved to LA, I had such hope for finding the love of my life. I figured I was moving from small town USA to a sea of at least 5 million men. I mean, even if you're a one-in-a-million kinda guy, there are five others out there just like you. I did what most single girls do: hit the dating scene. I tried online dating, speed dating, and blind dating. You name it, I tried it. And it was exhausting. Finding guys for first dates was not a problem, but finding a quality guy for a second date was definitely a challenge. The stories I have will either make you laugh our guts out or cry from pity....or both. After a year and a half of disappointing online dating experiences, (ask me some time about the guy that didn't bring his wallet on our date or the one that literally followed me to another country) I swore off dating. I had just about lost hope that the man of my dreams could be a reality.

2015 seemed like a year of possibilities and dreams. On Valentine's Day of this year, I went with a group of my closest single girlfriends to a beach in Malibu at sunrise to pray for our future husbands. We are all successful, beautiful, intelligent women with a strong desire to be married but no men in sight. We declared as a group that God did have men for us and we committed to praying for them. After reading the book of Ruth, we each took a shoe as a prophetic declaration that we wanted to have dedicated, godly marriages in Los Angeles and we wouldn't settle for mediocre lives or dating relationships.  My hope was starting to be restored. I started dreaming again of the possibility of that my prince charming was out there.

In March, after almost a year of being off online dating, I decided to give it one more shot. I subscribed to Christian Mingle, because apparently that's the site that God uses to make heavenly matches. I told God I would get on for one month and if I didn't meet anyone spectacular, I would give up online dating and wait patiently for the right man to come to church, or step into the line behind me at the grocery store, or approach me at the gym or something old fashioned like that. I told Jesus that if he wanted me to stay online, though, He would have to pay for my subscription.

About a week into my new subscription, a pop up survey came onto my screen while surfing profiles. Basically it said if I filled out the survey and they interviewed me, Christian Mingle would give me a six month free subscription. Cool. I filled it out and wouldn't you know two days later they called me. They asked if I would come into their corporate headquarters on the westside of Los Angeles and go through a 90 minute interview and after the interview they would give me 6 more months on the website for free. Sure! I'm always up for a good story. Hence the beginning of this blog. When I was interviewed, the woman was shocked at how specific I was in my search. But I knew what I was looking for. I had decided to be very intentional with what was in my heart. For too long I had been willing to settle on things like height, education, and life goals. I was done with that. How many of us girls do that? Thinking we will never meet the gold standard of our hearts. Nope. I want the highest and best for my life. No more compromise. Plus, Jesus just paid for a six month subscription, so I knew the dating scene was looking up. There had to be a promise in there!!

Next came my birthday in April. In continuing with the shoe theme, my friends took me to see the Broadway version of Cinderella. It was a day all about the shoes. We wore little black dresses and wore high heeled shoes. Mine were a sparkly pair of 4 inch, silver and gold stilettos. Yes, 4 inches of glorious lift. The best part of the show was that the whole cast sings a song about the prince. And get this, he has about 15 names and his last name is HERMAN! It was like God was saying, "See? I have a prince for you and I know him by name already." After the show, I again took my shoe off and took a picture: "Who will find my shoe?"

April was a monumental month not only because it was my birthday month. I decided to fly back to Costa Rica for one last hurrah with Rodney and Cindy before they moved home to the states. Their home was my home for two years of my life, and the community is still my family. It was so good to be back even for a small visit. On the plane ride down I had a heart to heart with God. Why haven't I met my prince yet? I know there has to be some one out there for me. It is the greatest desire of my heart. God, you said delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. OK, God, I have delighted in You for YEARS. Where is he? But God, if it's not your love story for me, I don't want it. I have hope that there is a right guy out there. I won't settle for less, so if he's not from You, no thank you. I would rather be single and do missions and life alone than be with the wrong man. God restore my hope that there is an amazing man out there who will love me for who I am and compliment me in the dreams and goals I know you have placed in my heart.

About a week before I had left for The Rica, I decided to expand my search criteria on Christian Mingle. The lady was right, I could have more matches if I wasn't so specific, but when you know what you want...A tall, Jesus-loving, fun-filled, adventurous, world traveling, missions-going, thrill-seeking musician who loved LA but also felt called to the world who lived within 25 miles of me. Is that really too much to ask? Right? I didn't think so, either. So for one day I decided to go all wild and crazy and change my search. To include men up to 50 miles from me. I know, right? Of all the standards to lower I figured that was the safest one. Well, up popped 1 new match. A Mr. Surfilms, whose profile eerily read almost identical to mine. He claimed he was also a missionary in Costa Rica for two years, that he loved fun and adventure and was looking for a traveling buddy to go on missions with around the world within 25 miles of where he lived. Hmmmm....I had to know more. I sent an email asking about his time on the mission field. While I was in Costa Rica, I actually got a message back from Mr. Surfilms, also known as "Dave". And come to find out he actually lived right across town from me at the same time that I lived in Costa Rica. We even had several mutual friends from the mission field. Of course get this, we both were involved in different ministries (I was in the church Vineyard church plant in Los Anonos while he was in YWAM) but we both went TO THE SAME VINEYARD CHURCH IN ESCAZU when we had the chance to be away from our respective communities. Creepy. Yet the creepiest has to be when after we had been dating about a month, we were looking through facebook pictures together, talking about different places we had been to and adventures we had gone on. We were scrolling through Dave's facebook page when all of a sudden I yelled, "WAIT!! STOP!!! That's ME??" There was actually a picture on me on Dave's facebook wall from three years ago at a skateboarding competition in the national park in the center of downtown San Jose. I had been translating for the skateboarders and Dave was volunteering for the event. I was the dead center of his picture.

This picture of me was taken by Dave three years before we met.

When I got back to the states in May, he asked me out and to be honest it was love at first sight. There are so many details I would love to share, but it would fill way too many pages. I do have another blog post in mind that I need to write for all the women out there who have lost hope that they will find the right man for them. See, I had lost hope at the end of 2014 that there was a man out there that would fit what I was looking for. Someone to compliment me in my journey and someone I could encourage in his journey. God had many lessons he needed to teach me about hope and faith, but I'll save that for the next post.

On a really big fast forward, Dave and I have been dating for several months now, and last weekend he proposed. Of course I said YES! We are set to get married later this year :) I will say this before I go. It is worth it to say YES to God first. It is worth it to delight yourself in the Lord, because the desires in your heart are from Him. And the desires that He has for you are so much better and fuller and more wonderful than you could ever even begin to hope or imagine. And it is worth it to dream and have hope again. Because you may have to wait patiently (or not so patiently) for those desires to be fulfilled, but it is so worth it.

Holy Sh*ft

This post is a long time coming. I realize so much has happened in my life since my last blog post. I really need to get back into blogging. So here goes.  For those of you who need the social update, a little over a year ago I had a massive life shift. When I moved back from the mission field, I couldn't find work in the Midwest, so I took a job in sunny California where the weather was more agreeable and the lifestyle still very much missional. I went back to work full time at a child development center as a speech therapist. But I soon realized this was not the area of the field that I wanted to be in. My heart was still in the hospital setting and especially with neonatal babies. I was having a grand old time socially and spiritually. I was making new friends and getting very involved in ad outside of church. But I was not happy in my career.

In January of 2014 I decided to start looking for work in the hospital acute care setting. I talked to my own boss about it and there was still no availability at my current hospital (when I had originally interviewed they were going to let me work a few hours a week in their acute care setting, but as time went on they told me there wasn't any work over there and I was needed full time in the outpatient pediatric clinic). I ended up with an interview in Ventura County, about an hour away from LA, that a former co-worker had told me about. When they offered me the position it was the highest salary bid I knew I could possibly see in my career in LA. I was elated and told them I would sign a contract that week. And devastated. The hospital would be an hour commute from where I was living in Simi Valley and if I were to move closer to work, it would be over an hour and a half or more from where my community and church were. I decided to pray and I told God that if this was the right opportunity I would take it, but if He didn't want me to work there I would need another job interview STAT. I had been applying to job but hadn't heard so much as a "Thank you, no thank you" in weeks. The very next day I got a call from the Children's Hospital of LA where I had put in an application almost a month before. They wanted to interview me. WHAT?!?! Coincidence? I think not. I went in and it was the most intense interview I had ever been on. A nine person panel interview where they basically threw out challenging case studies and asked what I would do in each scenario. I felt I did well and they said they I was a high contender due to my experience, but they would let me know the following week after several other interviews: the week AFTER I had told Ventura I would sign a contract with them. Crap! What was I to do? Sign a contract at a hospital where I could potentially make the most money I would ever make in my career but be really far away from my new friends and community, or throw it all to the wind on a much lower paying job that I had no idea if I would actually get it or not but would be in the area of the city I actually wanted to live in. I went back to my prayer chair, this time in pure supplication: WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?!?!??! I felt God smile warmly at me and ask one simple question: "What does your heart want?" WHAT? God, that sounds so Disney. What does my heart want? What does that even mean? Aren't you supposed to have this big master plan where you have my whole life mapped out and I just connect the dots? And He just smiled at me again and asked again, "What does your heart want?"

Now this was blowing my theological box a bit. There are two very opposing theories in the Christian world: predestination and free will. I remember learning lots of theories and theologies back in my good old Calvin College days. For centuries people have built camps around one verse or another about whether or not God has every single day of your life preordained and if you mess it up you're screwed versus you have complete freedom of choice to do whatever you want and God just wants to come along for the ride (exaggerated, but you get the point.) I had always been more in the camp that God had a perfect plan, Jeremiah 29:11 and all that stuff, and I just had to seek His face long enough and he would reveal the next steps on the yellow brick road. But here was God asking ME what I wanted. So as DHT sings so perfectly, I Listened To My Heart and it told me that I didn't want to be in Ventura at all. It was not at all where my heart was (which is in Los Angeles). So I turned down the sure fire job and put all my chips on a high stakes gamble. I decided in my heart that if I got the job, Praise be to God and if I didn't get the job, Praise be to God.

A painfully slow week went by when I finally got the call: "You were such a great candidate with many qualities we're looking for, but we decided to hire internally" Crap. Really? This isn't playing out how I thought it would. Ok, Praise be to God. Then something strange happened. Every time I would go into the bathroom at work and look in the mirror, I would hear this voice in my head that would say, "Just quit your job." I know that voice. It's the voice that also told me to follow my heart. "Really?!?" I would say back. "But you haven't given me another job yet. I'm applying and putting myself out there and interviewing and nothing is coming up" "Just quit your job" is all I would hear back. For three months I kept hearing "Just quit your job" and for three months I would say back "But you haven't given me another job yet. At least let some one call me back!".

To make a long story short, I lead a missions trip back to Costa Rica with my Simi Valley Vineyard that March and it tipped me over the edge. It reminded me about my goals in life and pieces of myself that I was putting on the back burner. So when I got back from the trip, I literally just went into work one day and did what the voice in the bathroom was encouraging me to do. I quit my job. With no back up plan but big faith that everything would be ok. Because I knew who the voice belonged to. And then something cool happened. My boss came to me the very next day and told me they actually did need me in the acute care. As an on call therapist. Would I be willing to work there when they needed a therapist? WHAT?!?! That's the job I've been wanting! Of course! There would be no guarantee in how many hours I would get each week, but I could start right away. Sign me up.

So that began a crazy journey over the past year. I moved in with my best friend in North Hollywood to be closer to church and my new community of friends.  I started working on call at Simi Valley and was set up by my boss to work on call at our sister hospital in Glendale. A few months later I got a third on call job at another local hospital only 15 minutes from my house. Every day is different. I schedule with the hospitals up to three months in advance to cover vacations, but some weeks I still never know what days I'll work or at which facility. I could be scheduled and called off if the patient census is low, or I could be called in that morning to come in for a few hours. It's unpredictable and varied. I'm actually at two acute care hospitals working with medically fragile adults and at one outpatient pediatric clinic acting as their primary evaluator and fill-in therapist. While it's unpredictable, between the three facilities I have always had enough work each month to pay my bills and the schedule has given me the flexibility to continue doing missions work both here in the Valley and overseas. 

This whole experience has taught me several important lessons. The first is that I should not put God  in a box. This is an obvious one, but I some times forget it. My constructed theology that I create based on prior experiences and the reality of the season I am in may clash. This is a faith journey and not a faith paint by numbers. I really believe God is calling us to listen to His voice daily and be obedient in the moment instead of trying to hold on to what He told us ten years ago. I also learned that I need to know what's in my heart because my desires actually matter to God. God wants the BEST for me and every good and perfect thing in life comes from HIM any way. When we have the desires of our hearts fulfilled, He actually gets the glory from it. The testimony of how awesome He is and how He is working in our lives is such an encouragement, not only in our own lives but to other people as well.  Finally, taking a leap of faith into the unknown is scary. There is always a risk of falling flat on your face. But some times taking that leap means flying into fun and adventure. I will chose the risk every time. #worthit

Resurrection Power

Yesterday was not the day I wanted it to be. What  was supposed to be my first full day of rest, at home after ending my full time job, the day where Jesus and I drank smoothies by the pool and listened to David Crowder Band together, turned into a no-showed ministry appointment in Glendale and car shopping in the valley with a desperate friends who's car was totaled on Sunday.  While the morning worked itself out exactly how it was supposed to, it was not meeting my expectations. So I went over to my bestie's in North Hollywood. It was well past my lunch time and my energy tank was beyond empty.  There's this AMAZING pizzeria there called PizzaRev where we decided to go for lunch. The day was looking up.

We were walking back to the car in a plaza parking lot when I noticed a frazzled little old lady staring diffidently under the propped up hood of a very dead car. Sarah and I had been yapping as only bff's do, but upon my going unusually quiet, Sarah wondered what I was thinking about. I pointed out the lady and said I was thinking that we needed to go over and help her. As we got closer, we noticed her equally unnerved husband sitting in the driver's seat trying all sorts of buttons and gears with no success. The elderly couple reminded me SO much of my own grandparents I couldn't NOT stop to help. I asked her what was going on. She said the car just wouldn't start and she didn't know what to do. I told her we were missionaries and asked if we could pray and ask Jesus to start the engine. Her name was Rallie, and she got all excited, telling us she was a Sunday school teacher, but could prayer work for that? Sure! Of course!! We told her. We had seen it happen before. So we held hands, spoke a really quick 2 second prayer, and asked Jesus to use his resurrection power to make the car engine go. Rallie's husband, Bill, got back in the driver's seat, turned the key. VOILA!! It started purring like a kitten. Rallie's face lit up like rays of sunshine after a rain storm. "WOW!" she exclaimed, "God is SO good!! I had no idea He would do that! Do you have to have more than one person to pray like that or could I have done that by myself, too?" "Nope," we affirmed. "Anyone can pray like that at any time." We exchanged hugs and she asked if we would stay to make sure she safely got out of the parking lot, which she did.

Sarah and I made our way back to my car. I was blown away. God can move any where, any time, even when we think we're having a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" (an exaggeration of my day, since it really wasn't bad, just unexpected) if we are just willing to focus on what's going on around us instead of on our own situation. It's also interesting that even though Rallie was a Sunday school teacher, she had a misperception of the power of prayer and what we could pray about. I have no doubt that she is the type who prays faithfully for every single member of her family and blesses every meal.  But she had no idea Jesus could instantly answer a prayer of desperation in a parking lot.

How many times in life do we all feel like we're stuck in a parking lot with a dead battery? How many stressful situations pop up every single day that we think we need to handle on our own or try to fix when we really have no idea what the heck is wrong or even how to go about in the fixing? It is a good reminder that Jesus meets us in every parking lot and he knows how to fix any situation. All we need to do is ask.

Our words have power

I've heard about studies like this. There was once one done by a scientist where he took a batch of white rice and split it into two containers. Over one container he spoke only words of love and affirmation. Over the other container he spoke hateful, spiteful words. Within even a few days the difference was noticeable. The rice over which he spoke love was still as white and clean as the day it was put in the container, but the rice that had hateful words spoken over it was molding and had black spots on it. To check it out, google some combination of experiment with rice and words. A ton of people have copied it and it seems to hold pretty true. Or try it yourself.

This is not a new concept. It's a very old one, actually. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit." This experiment is just the proof of it.

So here's what I was thinking. How often do I speak negatively over myself? I hate my thighs. I wish I wasn't so giraffe-like tall. I wish I had an amazing voice. How much is my words actually impacting how I am? OK, so I can't change my height by speaking it over myself, but I could change how I stand in my height, or how I view myself because of my height. How often do I speak negatively over my situation? I'm tired of being single. I hate living alone. LA traffic sucks. What if I started speaking out positively over myself and the world around me? Would it have the same effect as on the rice? Would the world actually be less moldy? I'm gonna give it a try. Here's your challenge, all you readers out there, will you try it too? Pick one feature that you have never liked about yourself. Look at it either in the mirror or on your body and every day for a whole week speak only loving, encouraging words about it. I dare you. See what happens. Pick a situation in your life that has you down. Speak  only positive message about it. Out loud. Note the change. Let me know how it goes!!

Elijah passes the mantle... Julie passes the bag.

After my recent blog post about passing the bag, I am sure you´re curious about the final result...SHE SAW ME GO!!!! 4:30 in the morning. Jessie was left with the inheritance of the Mary Poppins bag (or the Barney Bolsa as they called it in Spanish).

And for all of you who are curious about what will happen to my blog...

My life is still in tupperware, so I will continue writing the blog! I still have so much to tell about Costa Rica and many other things the Lord is telling me these days. 

More posts to come!!!

Born To Be_____.

I was born to be a missionary. When I asked my mom if she was sitting down so I could tell her I was moving to Costa Rica to be a missionary she retorted, "Julie, I bore you and I raised you. Did you think that would surprise me?" She then reminded me that when I was 18 I told her if I was in my late 20's and still single I was going to move overseas to do missions. Ok. I get it.

I have loved every minute of my time here in Costa Rica. I have learned so much about myself, the world at large, and the Kingdom of God. I have learned new skills (like cutting hair and crocheting) and learned that I am not so good at other things (like using a machete or chucking coconuts over very tall fences). I have kissed more dirty, snotty nosed faces (both children and adult....) than I can count. My eyes have seen people healed of physical pain and my heart has rejoiced over emotional wounds on the mend. Countless faces have passed through the doors of our house with innumerable stories still left to be told. New friends were made (and added to facebook, hahaha) and life-long friendships have been established.

But now I am moving home. I am in transition. And the next generation of women born to be missionaries are filling in the places yet untouched in this community. They are joining in the work that God started long before I got here, where the foundation was laid by Rodney and Cindy and all the other interns who came before me who were also born to be missionaries.

Once upon a time there were men born to be kings. Two that come to mind are David and Hezekiah. David because he was THE man after God's own heart. He was chosen as a boy and I think more is written about him than any one else. He fills up so much of the old testament and is referred to frequently in the new. Hezekiah because the Bible says there was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him. He basically had what we refer to as the Midas touch. Everything he touched turned to gold.

What has been most striking to me these days is the legacy these kings left to the next generation of kings.

David obviously mentored his son well. He taught him everything he knew about being a king. He prepared his son to take over where he left off. He even made provisions for his son to build a bigger and better kingdom, as well as a temple for the Lord. David instilled in Solomon such a hunger and desire for wisdom and bettering the kingdom for the sake of the people, that when God appeared to Solomon to give him anything he desired, Solomon chose the very thing his father, David, had told him to ask for (see Proverbs 4:3).

David left a legacy for Solomon's generation to go deeper in the Lord and enter into areas of the Kingdom of God that David knew he would never be able to see.

Hezekiah, however, didn't leave such a hot legacy. Hezekiah was ill, deathly ill. But he asked God to spare his life. So God granted him 15 more years of life, and to prove it, God made the sun actually move backwards (2 Kings 20). After Hezekiah recovered, he apparently let it get to his head, and he showed off everything he owned to the neighboring king of Babylon, in a bragging, prideful kind of way. This was a major no-no. It basically showed his hand to the other kingdom, which the prophet Isaiah then prophesied that Babylon would take away everything from Hezekiah's kingdom, but not until after his death. Hezekiah was grateful for that little piece of knowledge and settled back to live the last of his days in peace, comfort, and prosperity. Only apparently he forgot to tell his son where all of that peace, comfort, and prosperity came from, because his son, Manasseh, was one of the worst, most sinful kings in history.

Hezekiah did not leave a legacy for Manasseh at all. Manasseh strayed far from the teaching of his father and I have to wonder how much of a relationship they even had.

So here I am, leaving the mission field here in Anonos for several new missionaries to come in behind. What kind of a legacy do I want to leave them? What kind of legacy have I paved the way for? I pray, and I ask you to join in prayer with me, that the legacy that is left behind is one that continues to further the Kingdom. I pray that the missionaries who come behind me see even more of the riches of the kingdom of God than I did during my time here.

"I want my crown back" and other things I've asked God as of late.

"I want my crown back." I made this rather audacious statement to God in January.

Let me give you the back story. I started the Princess Club in June to teach the girls about our inheritance as daughters of the King of kings and our position in the kingdom of God. I have really enjoyed expanding off of this theme. I actually think I have learned more than the girls ♥

As teams have come down, I have asked the women and teens of each group to become involved in the Princess Club as well. Most teams bring down princess themed crafts or stickers or funny little frilly things. Some times the groups even plan lessons for the girls. It has been great to teach the girls about various kingdoms around the world and how there are princesses of God everywhere!!!

Me and a couple princesses...

Along the way one of my favorite princesses, okay, she's actually a queen, Cindy Schmidt, from the New Life church in Ohio, came on a team prepared to work with the princesses. I love this woman because, well, she's a lot like me. We have a very similar sense of humor and find amusement in the same ridiculous things. She's also been VERY supportive of the club (let's just say she helped coordinate 50 pounds of princess materials to be brought down by the church for the start of the club!!!) She came on a team at the beginning of the club and she happened to come again in January, when I had the club for the older girls. If you remember from a previous blog post, her team came prepared to make jewelry with the teens. We had such a great time!! She also brought me a special charm: a little, silver crown charm on a necklace chain. I LOVED that crown charm!! She called it gaudy. I called it AWESOME!! I wore it that night during the princess club (it's in the picture above). And every day after.

Cindy and I looking very princess-y in front of the church

So during those days I was walking up to Carmen's every day to wash her foot. I would put my crown necklace on, put my bag on, walk up and get Seidy, and head to Carmen's for the morning. I showed both women my crown charm, thrilled to have such a cool symbol of the princess club to carry with me. It was a great way to bring up the whole topic of being a princess of God in conversation as people commented on the necklace. One day on my way back to the house....I noticed the crown charm was gone!!! Missing from the chain!!! The metal loop it was hanging from must have broken when my bag rubbed against it!! I was DEVASTATED!! My crown from Cindy!! I scoured the neighborhood. I retraced my steps carefully, looking for the charm. I called Carmen to see if it had fallen off in her house. I called Seidy to look for it by her house. Nothing. From the poopy street to the high place, I looked for my missing crown. Nothing. For weeks I kept my eyes glued to the ground, looking for my crown charm. For the first few days I asked God to show me where it was. Praying that I would have eyes to see it. Then I heard a message about being bold in bringing our petitions before God. So I was bold. I said "God, I want my crown back." That was it. And I said it every day. For a month. I didn't lose hope or faith, but as more teams came and busyness crept in, I stopped reminding God about my crown every day. I stopped looking down quite as much, hoping to see it spontaneously appear on the road. But at the beginning of the week I reminded him again. Just once under my breath as I was crossing the bridge alone. "God, I want my crown back. Please."

Fast forward to today. Seidy called me last night saying she had a gift for me. Nothing big or special, just something little. I walked up to her house with the ladies from the Portland team who were here. She welcomed us into her home and we visited for a while. She had Sherry, her daughter, grab the gift from her room. I was so excited. I had no idea what it was, but I was excited. I love little gifts!! She handed me a little packet...with a crown charm on a little cord!!!! It was almost IDENTICAL to the one Cindy had given to me!!! I couldn't believe it!! Here was exactly what I had been asking God for months to return to me. And here it was!! I couldn't stop laughing. I told her how she was the answer to my very bold request to God.

My lost-now-found crown charm :)

Wow. I can't stop thinking about this. How awesome is God, right?!? I mean, he really does care about the little things in our lives. And if He cares enough to return my cheap-o crown charm because of my persistent asking, how much more does He care about the big things in my life, too?!? Some times I think we get so afraid of offending God that we hold back from asking him for...anything...big OR small.


In a small way, it reminds me of one of my favorite parables:

Luke 18

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

 ¹ Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’    ⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
 ⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”


While finding my crown was not a matter of justice, it mattered to me. Enough to constantly ask God about it. Enough to get an answer. It makes me even more excited to press in for the big things. Like to see people healed. To see people freed from addiction. To see people over come poverty. To have people's dignity returned. To have people's freedom returned. To have people's joy found again. What do you want to have returned? What has gone missing in your life that you want God to bring back? Are you willing to be persistent in crying out for it? With boldness?

Here are some other verses to ponder:


1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Ask, Seek, Knock- Matthew 7:7-12

    ⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.    ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹² So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 

Our birthright

Dr. Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ tells this story of a famous oil field called Yates Pool: During the depression this field was a sheep ranch owned by a man named Yates. Mr. Yates wasn’t able to make enough on his ranching operation to pay the principal and interest on the mortgage, so he was in danger of losing his ranch.

With little money for clothes or food, his family (like many others) had to live on government subsidy. Day after day, as he grazed his sheep over those rolling West Texas hills, he was no doubt greatly troubled about how he would pay his bills. 

Then a seismographic crew from an oil company came into the area and told him there might be oil on his land. They asked permission to drill a wildcat well, and he signed a lease contract. At 1,115 feet they struck a huge oil reserve. The first well came in at 80,000 barrels a day. Many subsequent wells were more than twice as large. In fact, 30 years after the discovery, a government test of one of the wells showed it still had the potential flow of 125,000 barrels of oil a day. And Mr. Yates owned it all. 

The day he purchased the land he had received the oil and mineral rights. Yet, he’d been living on relief. A multimillionaire living in poverty. The problem? He didn’t know the oil was there even though he owned it. Many Christians live in spiritual poverty. They are entitled to the gifts of the Holy Spirit and his energizing power, but they are not aware of their birthright.

 

Do you really understand what your birthright and position in Christ is? Are you truly  reigning as an authentic heir to a King of Kings? Let's stop settling for crumbs when our King has provided a banquet. More thoughts on this to come....